I'm Agent Phil Coulson with the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.
- —Phil Coulson to Pepper Potts
- Mr. Stark."
"Yeah?"
"Agent Coulson."
"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, the guy from the..."
"Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division."
"Whew! God, you really need a new name for that."
"Yeah, I hear that a lot.
- —Phil Coulson and Tony Stark
- Agent Coulson, I just wanted to say thank you very much for all of your help."
"That's what we do. You'll be hearing from us."
"From the Strategic Homeland..."
"Just call us S.H.I.E.L.D..
- —Pepper Potts and Phil Coulson
- Sir, we've found it.
- —Phil Coulson to Nick Fury
- Sorry, ma'am, we're the good guys.
- —Phil Coulson to Jane Foster
- Mr. Stark, we need to talk."
"You have reached the life model decoy of Tony Stark, please leave a message."
"This is urgent."
"Then leave it urgently.
- —Phil Coulson and Tony Stark
- Phil? Uh, his first name is 'Agent'.
- So, that's what it does.
- —Phil Coulson
- He was an idiot."
"Why? For believing?"
"For taking on Loki alone."
"He was doing his job!"
"He was out of his league, he should have waited.
- —Tony Stark and Steve Rogers
- And there's one other person you pissed off. His name was Phil.
- —Tony Stark to Loki
- This is your first mission James, you need to do well if you want to impress Nick
- It's a magical place.
- —Phil Coulson
- Don't touch Lola.
- —Phil Coulson
- The tide is rising.
- —Phil Coulson to Skye
- What's up Phil?"
"I prefer you not call me Phil."
"Ok, you're the boss, A.C.
- —Skye and Phil Coulson
- Let me die, please. Please. Please, I'm begging you let me die. Please! Please, let me die! Let me die, please! Please! Let me die! Please! Let me die!
- —Phil Coulson during the procedure
- I have never asked you. How was Tahiti?"
"It sucked.
- —Phil Coulson and Jasper Sitwell
- Phil, this is me being honest."
"No John, this is you being a psychopath.
- —Phil Coulson and John Garrett
- I shouldn't have to ask any of you to save one of our own."
"You never ask! You just give your orders, no matter cracked up they are!"
"Mack, you'd do well to remember your rank right now."
"Really? Rank at a time like this? Why don't you shove your rank up your..."
"Not helping, Hunter."
"Guys, stop."
"No, it's cathartic. Do you have any thoughts of your own on it, or do you just parrot his?"
"Coulson's trying to stop HYDRA."
"We didn't stop anything! We unleashed something on the planet!"
"Please."
"No one knows what happened yet."
"It could have been a lot worse."
"And Skye barely made it out alive!"
"Thanks to Trip. He sacrificed his life, Mack!"
"No! He traded his life for hers! And then he was shattered into a thousand pieces!"
"That's enough! If Trip was here, he wouldn't be arguing, he wouldn't be bitching. He would be gearing up to do what needs to be done. Yes, we're dealing with forces we don't understand, but HYDRA I do understand. I want everyone ready when the sun comes up. End of discussion.
- —Phil Coulson, Alphonso Mackenzie, Melinda May, Lance Hunter, Bobbi Morse, Skye, and Leo Fitz
- I don't blame you, but I have been thinking about it, and I realized I've been wasting your talents."
"Sir?"
"Look, I know you love it under the hood of a car, but... we could really use you out in the field. You're a force to be reckoned with, Mack. Believe me."
"Okay, but violence isn't really my thing. You know, that alien crap made me into something I'm not."
"I know. But have you seen yourself? You're a little bit of a beast all the time.
- —Phil Coulson and Alphonso Mackenzie
- Let’s welcome Phil Coulson to the field. Here is a fun fact: He killed the man I had been plotting to kill for two and a half decades! Disappointment!
- Sir, these people are on the Index, but they are not exactly gifted."
"They were considered highly dangerous, larger part of the Index functions as more of a watch-list.
- —Bobbi Morse and Phil Coulson
- This is not a decision that we arrived at lightly. I know Coulson, he was a good agent. At least he was before Fury injected him with alien DNA. Ever since, his behavior has grown increasingly more troubling. Can you honestly tell me that you don't share any of these concerns?
- Where's are the reinforcements?"
"I don't know. Stuck in traffic?"
"Are they traveling by clown car?
- —Lance Hunter and Phil Coulson
- Maybe he's got a point. I was dead, after all. I shouldn't even be here."
"We all have our bad days.
- —Phil Coulson and Lance Hunter
- Maybe we should forget all this, head down to Mexico. We can lay low, enjoy the quiet life."
"That's not an option. The problem is... there are no good options."
"Well, maybe it's time for the bad ones.
- —Lance Hunter and Phil Coulson
- At some point, you might have mentioned that backup was a lethal cyborg."
"Truthfully, I just wanted to see the look on your face when he showed up. Priceless."
"Glad I amuse you."
"You know I can hear you up here.
- —Lance Hunter, Phil Coulson, and Deathlok
- Two all-Americans from D.J.'s extra bacon, double cheese."
"Is it me, or is every burger that's named "the all-American" just really awful for you?
- Want to take me out? Come and get me. We'll settle this right now."
"I have people who take care of that sort of thing for me now. No, I just wanted to hear the panic in your voice before you died. This isn't over.
- —Phil Coulson and Grant Ward
- Minister of Defense, former KGB assassin."
"And still at it, apparently.
- —Phil Coulson and Leo Fitz about Androvich
- They've wiped out almost 30 square kilometers of forest just to make room for this place. You wonder why the planet's dying."
"Got that right, mate. You and Jemma watch that documentary I mentioned?"
"Oh, yes! The one about the Amazon? It ..."
"And you'll talk about it later.
- —Leo Fitz, Lance Hunter and Phil Coulson
- With Mack on bed rest, we could use the extra muscle."
"Well, he's the only one with extra muscles, but I'll come anyway.
- —Quake and Phil Coulson
- Got to admit... this time stuff's always been a little over my head. Like in "Terminator," if John Connor's alive and able to send his friend back in time to save his mom to make sure he's born, doesn't that mean he doesn't have to?"
"I, uh, I never saw the original "Terminator.""
"You're off the team.
- The Sterns vulgarise, or European Starling, one of America's scariest invasive species."
"They're just birds."
"Birds can be scary. Imagine a flock of a million coming to peck your eyes out with their tiny, little beaks.
- Is there something wrong, sir?"
"You were there. You saw."
""We do what we have to do." That's your words."
"Yeah. And that's what I've been telling myself."
"And now you don't believe that that's true?"
"It was true for you. You were left no choice on that planet. You did the right thing, but I crossed the line. Ward deserved to be punished, but no one deserves to have the life..."
"No, he did deserve it. He did deserve to have his chest caved in...no question."
"That's not the point. It was payback. That's not what we do here."
"Well, what was the alternative? I mean, letting him live, letting him win?"
"Don't you see? When I killed him, he did. I knew it would come back to haunt me, I just didn't think it would actually come back to haunt me.
- —Leo Fitz and Phil Coulson