Earth-500 Volume 1 Issue 1

"DON'T YOU F*CKING DISTURB ME, MY TEA, AND MY TEEVEE!!!"

- Dirk Anger

Featured Characters

 * HATE
 * Arabian Knight
 * Victoria Hand
 * Dirk Anger
 * Moon Knight

Supporting Characters

 * ULTIMATUM soldiers
 * Black Talon
 * Melter
 * Police captain

Location

 * HATE Aeromarine, UNN "Epsilon"
 * Dubai, United Arab Emirates

Plot for Suicidal Tendencies
The comic started with a multitude of pure-black panels, with multiple boxes appearing. The boxes were actually quotes by an unknown individual who stated that life's hard, and it's harder as the leader of something. But then the boxes gave in a more... suggestive quote; the speaker broke the fourth wall immediately after a few words, telling the writer to just start the comic and jump into the action roughly. Then, the comic opened up with the view of Dirk Anger, inside his Aeromarine, sitting on a coach while watching Inglourious Basterds, enjoying a tea as well. Dirk was seen to be enjoying the movie, smirking at one point at it. As he's watching, in front of him, a shark seemingly tried to devour him, but ended up biting the bulletproof glass of his office, located on the very bottom of the ship. Dirk, eyes still on a scene involving Lt. Aldo Raine, pressed a red button on his sofa's right arm-rest, which resulted in the shark being electrocuted by the ship's tesla generator. He casually ignored it, and kept on watching the legendary movie. In the background, his assistant and right-hand woman, Victoria Hand, looked at the ever-enjoying director in a look of concern. Her eyes were in doubt, her pupils tilting everywhere, and she didn't know what to say. She then broke the silence of enjoyment by telling Dirk of the update of the latest mission. Dirk cared do not about it, and told her to go back to the control room where she could **** herself up. Hand insisted, and told him that Agent Hashim and the other agents were overwhelmed by the sheer force of the supervillains. Dirk still watched the movie, until Hand repeatedly "shouted" at him. Dirk got provoked, and finally relented, but not after he had screamed at Hand not to disturb him. He turned off his TV, and went to face Victoria himself. For a second, he stood motionlessly in front of his assistant, with Victoria sweating out of fear; she's a greenhorn anyway. Dirk himself saw Victoria in the "most hideous way she could ever dreamed of", but surprised her by kindly asking her of the update. Hand sighed in relief, but Dirk told her not to interrupt him again next time.

The two went for a walk to the command room, which was shown as a gigantic room filled with a multitude of agents, scientists, and big-screened computers. At the center of the command room, an enormous... jumbotron showed Dirk images of the Knight's fight with two supervillains: Black Talon and Melter, by himself. Dirk told Victoria that he forgot about the intel of those second-rate villains. Victoria's mind mocked Dirk in the form of comic boxes, but she then informed Dirk that the only thing he should know was that the two were wanted by multiple nations. She proceeded to tell him that it's a rare occasion for these two to team-up, too, so there could be a larger scheme going on here. Dirk responded by partly breaking the fourth wall, saying that he didn't like her possibly spoiling all the fun, and said that it's time to see how it went down there.

Dubai, United Arab Emirates, 12.00 AM

The Knight was then shown combatting multiple zombies with a dwindling number of HATE agents, with Melter and Black Talon wrecking havoc around the city. After the Knight decapitated five zombies with a single swing of his scimitar, he contacted Dirk, telling him that the swarm of zombies Talon spawned hindered their progress. Dirk responded by telling him that with hinderances, it didn't mean that he couldn't take down the two of them. Knight replied by saying that it's not that easy dealing with the undead. Dirk facepalmed back at the base, and told him that he's gonna be the back-up. He quickly cutted the comms, with the Knight's face in shock. Before he could continue his shock face, the villain Melter decided to take things into his own hands and faced the Knight. Melter shot a beam of energy to him while hovering, but the Knight evaded it while leaping over a multitude of zombies. He then attempted to give Mr. Horgan a cut, but the Melter choked him mid-air. Melter taunted him by asking him if HATE's getting more insane by having simply one enhanced agent in the field to handle such situation. He told him that he also had heard of him several times, identifying him as Navid Hashim, a disgraced man from a broken country. Navid immediately kicked his groin and told him that it's not that easy to get inside a person's head. The Knight quickly somersaulted the villain, mid-air, with the help of his suit, which allows him to float for a limited amount of time. Knocked back, Navid landed gracefully, delivering a spinning attack that leaves many zombies having their heads and limbs dismembered. But then, before he could continue his assault, Black Talon from afar, shielded with a magical barrier, conjured an undead hand from the ground that restrained the Arabian Knight. Bringing him down, the Knight's scimitar was then disarmed by the newly-recovered Melter. Seeing seemingly no hope, he stood down, while he saw the agents getting devoured. Talon and Melter approached him, telling him that it's his first time seeing a stupid man being sent to stop them, a duo of powerful villains. Laughing, Navid then told them that they're nothing but second-rate villains that hadn't even blown up the large building behind them: the Burj Khalifa. Navid would only be surprised when Melter mentioned that "someone else's gonna do that in a minute". He proceeded to tell them that one way or another, he'd defeat them, even if it's gonna result in his death. Now, it's Black Talon's turn to laugh. He asked him if there were any other ways that he could use to defeat them. And the Arabian Knight responded by saying this,



Melter immediately charged both of his high-energy blasters, and Talon prepared a powerful magical blast. However, the two were left open to an assault made by Navid's back-up, the Director of HATE himself. Using the Aeromarine's teleportation portal, Dirk inserted himself directly to the hot-zone, and ended up RKO-ing delivering an elbow drop to Black Talon while kicking Melter's head. With this, Navid was freed from the restraint due to Talon's damage, and immediately took his scimitar back. While the two were temporarily down, Dirk told him that there's nothing to worry about now. Navid told him about an impending bomb threat, however, which Melter mentioned. Dirk asked him where, and Navid pointed the iconic Burj Khalifa skyscraper. Dirk responded by shaking his head while saying, "O'... boy!"

Dirk proceeded to tell him that if they're gonna handle the bombs, they had to take down Talon and Melter first. At the same time, Talon and Melter got up, and the duo fought against their... opposites. After a lengthy fight, the heroic duo managed to defeat the other duo. Dirk then grabbed the downed Melter by the neck and punches him with his superhuman fist, asking him of the "bombs". Melter then spitted at Dirk's face, prompting him to choke him even harder and delivering another punch. Melter asked him to soften his grip, so that he could tell him of it. Dirk ignored the statement, and kept asking him the same question. But after a multitude of beating-ups, Melter finally got knocked out. Dirk then shouted out in anger, with his agents looking at him, tired and battered. Dirk then ordered Navid to "interrogate" the other one, but before that could happen, Talon woke up and blasted the approaching Arabian Knight using his dark magic, injuring him. Dirk tried to approach Talon, but he teleported himself and Melter to an unspecified location. Dirk's eyes then widened, and sighed in desperation. Dirk looked at the injured Navid, who got up and told him that he's fine. Dirk replied by saying that being blasted by a houngan was no joke. Navid insulted the injury, though. The two were then approached by the captain of the local police force, which told him that groups of white-cladded armed men were swarming the lobby of the Burj Khalifa. Knowing this, Dirk turned to Navid and told him that the day's gonna be longer than he thought it'd be.

Meanwhile, while the white-uniformed soldiers swarmed the lobby, an unknown figure looked from afar on top of another building. In his mind, he stated to himself that it's another time those soldiers terrorized a nation. He must do something about it, but he didn't want to terrify the public as well. However, another part of his mind told him that it's best for him to wipe them out brutally, as they terrorized most nations in the Middle-East in the past few weeks. But the normal mind of this man said that he didn't want to make another incident like the one he experienced a year ago. The other part reassured him that everything's going to be fine, and things would go worse if he didn't act now. The normal mind finally agreed with the other mind, but told "it" that no one's gonna die today. The man then revealed himself as Moon Knight, the Fist of Khonshu, proceeding to jump off the building he's on, gliding to the lobby.

While in the lobby, the soldiers planted multiple explosives while taking several people hostages. Their "commander", armed with a submachine gun, commanded some of the troops to go up to plant more explosives. When the troops tried to enter the elevator, they're interrupted by the newly arrived HATE agents. The HATE agents opened fire on the soldiers, which Dirk identified as ULTIMATUM scumbags. After a brief firefight, Dirk "asked for permission" to throw one of the police trucks on the scene, which the previous captain allowed. Dirk then lifted it up with his strength, and threw it at the ULTIMATUM troops, killing a good amount of soldiers while incapacitating the commander. Dirk then led the charge against them, but bad news: more ULTIMATUM soldiers showed up on scene, and now they're bringing heavy weapons and vehicles. The previous soldiers did plant the explosives, but without the right detonator, they're screwed. As the new ULTIMATUM soldiers took on the local police, some of them surrounded the HATE agents. Navid told Dirk that they couldn't win against them this time, because they're too much. Dirk responded by telling him to pray to his God. As they proceed to prepare their last stand, another figure joined the fray: Moon Knight.

Moon Knight entered by kicking a minigun-wielding soldier while gliding, and proceeded to beat down most of the soldiers by himself. Amazed, Dirk asked Arabian Knight about who the bastard is. Navid, with a seemingly angry face, told him that he knew of him, but loathed him due to his unstable mind. Soon, Dirk and Arabian Knight joined the fight and they all managed to defeat the ULTIMATUM forces. However, they soon realized that the bombs were not meant to be detonated to explode; there were already bombs in Burj Khalifa, and a nearly-dead ULTIMATUM soldier confirmed it. Within seconds, the skyscraper blew up to pieces, with debrises falling upon the heroes. They managed to get out alive of the situation, but Dirk was surprised by this. Dirk saw the destruction with a poker-face bland expression, and told himself that he should've been there earlier, but admitted that Inglourious Basterds could not be resisted..

Featured Characters

 * ULTIMATUM
 * Flag Smasher
 * Barracuda
 * El Aguila

Supporting Characters
Note: Minor characters will not get their own pages.
 * General Castelo
 * Captain Souza

Trivia

 * This is the first issue to have an extra story right near the end of the comic.
 * One of the supporting characters of ULTIMATUM, Captain Souza, is inspired by a character from another franchise, which is Capitao from Rainbow Six Siege.